9 November 2009
- If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
- Learn to work the toilet seat; if it’s up, put it down.
- Sometimes, we’re not thinking about you. Live with it.
- Get rid of your cat.
- Sunday = TV Sports.
- Anything you wear is fine. Really.
- You have too many shoes.
- Crying is blackmail.
- Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work.
- Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
- Peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We’re bound to miss sometimes.
- Simple “yes” and “no” are perfectly acceptable answers.
- A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
- Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
- If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
- Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
- You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done — not both.
- Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, and neither do we.
- You have enough clothes.
- Men are from earth; women are from earth. Deal with it.
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