Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
Chuck Norris has never looked a baby in the eyes cause it might him cry but if he does it also makes him want to punch a baby.
There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
Chuck Norris’ favorite cereal is Kellogg’s Nails ‘N’ Gravel.
When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn’t walk around people. He walks through them.
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
When Chuck Norris says “More cowbell”, he MEANS it.
In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald’s in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
The world’s fastest car has 7 gears.5, 6, and Chuck Norris.
Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Chuck Norrisaurus.
Loading ...
Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Hellen Keller’s favorite color is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American “Trail of Tears” has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.
Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn’t like Fudge Ripple.
You can lead a horse to water but cannot make him drink, unless you’re Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
It is said that looking into Chuck Norris’ eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody’s future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.
Loading ...
Chuck Norris’ Penis is a third degree blackbelt, and an honorable 32nd-degree mason.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
The pie scene in “American Pie” is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when he was younger. However, in Chuck Norris’ case, the “pie” was the molten crater of an active volcano.
When you say “no one’s perfect”, Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris once had sex with a cigarette machine in the Osaka airport.
Loading ...
When Arnold says the line “I’ll be back” in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help.
Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.
Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell “What The Hell was That?”
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.
Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? …All of it.
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther’s womb.
Loading ...
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
Chuck Norris’ pulse is measured on the richter scale.
“Brokeback Mountain” is not just a movie. It’s also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
Chuck Norris doesn’t look both ways before he crosses the street… he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium.
Divide Chuck Norris by zero and you will in fact get one……..one bad-ass that is.
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.
Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.
Chuck Norris’ sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter.
Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck
Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
Loading ...
