Chuck Norris’s body temperature is 98.6 degrees… Celsius.
Chuck Norris make onions CRY!!!
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.
The phrase ‘break a leg’ was originally coined by Chuck Norris’s co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.
When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym, the Total Gym feels like it’s been raped.
Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.
For Spring Break ’05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.
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Chuck Norris’ first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris’ ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
The Drummer for Def Leppard’s only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher.
Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn’t tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Chuck Norris.
If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
Chuck Norris visits an active volcano every morning to get some of “the best damn espresso on Earth”.
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Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.
Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the “Circle of Life.”
The crossing lights in Chuck Norris’s home town say “Die slowly” and “die quickly”. They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.
Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.
To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken’s famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know – Except for the definition of mercy.
Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
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There are two types of people in the world… people that suck, and Chuck Norris.
On the SAT if you put Chuck Norris for every answer you will score over 8000
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.
If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Chuck Norris hears it. Chuck Norris can hear everything. Chuck Norris can hear the shrieking terror in your soul.
There’s an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris…. Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.
The term “Cleveland Steamer” got its name from Chuck Norris, when he took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried northern Ohio under a glacier of fecal matter.
Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle – you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked a ten dollar bill into 200 nickels.
Chuck Norris can watch an episode of 60 minutes in 22 seconds.
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Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a “hole.” Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for “Chuck Norris’ basement”.
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
There is in fact an “I” in Norris, but there is no “team”… not even close.
Chuck norris doesn’t go at the speed of light, he goes at the speed of Norris
For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.
Chuck Norris’ testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.
Maslow’s theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill.
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
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